The Feeling of Divorce
Top 10 feelings you might feel as you are getting divorced or separated.
- Shocked – you never thought this would happen to you. One in 3 marriages statistically end in divorce, even when things haven’t been going well it can still be a shock to acknowledge it’s over.
- Devastated that you can cope with the depth of feelings – the overwhelming feelings can feel devastating particularly in the early stages
- Anger – we have committed to someone, said ‘till death do us part’ , we are both alive yet we aren’t together – our religious beliefs may leave us feeling we are not honouring God or the church in ending vows we made in good faith.
- Sadness / grief / loss – these feelings are natural at the end of something we loved and gave value and meaning to – the relationship, our partner, our life together, we may wonder how we can live without them
- Jealous – if it seems your partner is coping better than you, or they have commenced another relationship or are dating
- Lonely – it is a lonely time, you are alone in your feelings and there’s little anyone can do to assist at this time, they can be there and love you and listen, however you are the one who must feel all your feelings and there are moments of loneliness. You may wonder if you will ever have another relationship – you may want to, yet aren’t ready for a long time. Its best in the long term to really be ready, rather than start another relationship because you are lonely. Love yourself enough to give yourself the time to heal so you don’t take your unresolved hurts into your new relationship.
- Hopeless – you may feel that life is hopeless, that you are hopeless and this is as good as it gets. Maintain hope that things will change. Sure you’ll have good days and not so good days, you might be going really well then it is your anniversary, a birthday, valentines day and you are reminded you are no longer together and you may feel sad.
- Betrayal / rejection / abandonment – even if you were the one who ended the relationship, you can still feel betrayed, rejected and abandoned. Sometimes we want someone to fight for us, to fight for love, to save us from our patterns and we may feel rejected or abandoned when this doesn’t happen. We can feel we have betrayed ourselves for staying in the relationship longer than we felt to, or when our partner decided to leave. These feelings can be very intense if another party was involved before the relationship was over (eg. An affair)
- Hurt – our hearts are hurting, we loved and trusted someone and now we are feeling not a lot of love or trust. We are in pain, remember so is your ex, they might not show it or they may process in a different way, remember they will be hurting too. Acting out in anger is often a defensive strategy to protect ourselves from the hurt we are feeling.
- Love – we may still love our partner, even though our relationship is ending, the love still exists, this can be upsetting and confusing, we are hurt and sometimes want to lash out at the person that appears to be hurting us, yet our heart is capable of love still. Honour this feeling, we loved our partner so much we shared our lives and hearts, we may have shared vows and bonds – remember much love was there and still is underneath our mutual pain – don’t forget the love and get caught up and only see the hurt.
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